The trials of a copper on foot patrol

[Davejb]

This is a true story, nothing has been made up, nor embelished to make it sound good, I,ll tell it as it happened. One night back in the late Seventies, I was walking foot patrol in the town where I was Stationed, I was on my way back for a 1am cuppa at the nick, there were obviously places and shops that you checked as a copper, to make sure they were locked and nothing was wrong. Just before arriving at the station, there is a large Community Civic Hall, which holds events, shows, Police and Firemans balls etc, I decided to check these premises on my way back and did so, The premises are in a dip in the ground with large heavy trees that almost form a dark wood at the rear.I was walking around the back ,which was pitch black, with my torch on, Also at the rear of the Hall there is the Public bar which leads out onto this wooded area and a large lawn. To get to the bar area you have to walk along the rear wall, which is about 100 foot long. As I approached the steps to the bar, I heard low whispering but could,nt make out where it was coming from. Naturally I thought someone was trying to break into the bar. I shone my torch at the doors, nothing, I heard this whispering sound again, only this time behind me, I swung round with the torch and scanned the area, again nothing. I knew there was someone there and at least two of them, I could hear them talking in low tones. Now when your on your own in a place like that, theres every chance of being jumped, so I backed up against the wall and kept shining the torch every time I heard voices. Seeing the rear of the Police Station was literally 100yds away. I put out a call for assistance, I could hear running footsteps as 6 or 7 hairy arsed coppers crashed out of the rear station doors, car doors slamming and saw blue lights flashing. Car engines revving up and then racing out of the rear gates, I was joined by the others in a matter of seconds. The Sergeant shone his torch at me then I explained what was happening, We fanned out in a line and started to walk slowly forward, torches on and shining into the trees. We got about 5-6 yrds then a loud noise was heard by all of us, but from behind us. It sounded like a grunt as if someone had fallen over, we all turned, torches shone everywhere, nothing, Then another loud grunt and whispering ,this time right in front of us, all the torches went to one place and there they were, found them. Have you ever heard the noise that two hedgehogs make when humping, My name was spike for a few weeks!!!!!!, and I missed my late night cuppa as well, horny little buggers

[Guest Fred Karno's Army]

Cracking mate lol .

[HetzersGonnaHetz]

I adore your stories Dave, always give me a giggle, except the one about the SS cap. Anymore....

[Guest Fred Karno's Army]

@Davejbdeserves his own thread  .

[Bil4338]

@Davejb, you should write a book on your experiences!

[Davejb]

I do have a few more to relate, but in the main it was a pretty normal police period over 10 years, but literally every copper I knew had some very funny stories to tell. Its late now but I,ll tell you about the Donkey in the morning and the 120 mph chase and stop and also the somewhat gory incident that I attended which will make most men cringe, also the wild beast affair,  the rampaging chimpanzee, the Escaped Tapir and the Llama incidents

[HetzersGonnaHetz]

I look forward to it...

[Lenny]

As some may know, I was 13 years as a Police Photographer / Scene of Crime Officer. Some of the stories you just wouldn't believe..

[HetzersGonnaHetz]

I bet..

[Bil4338]

I work in a hospital as a porter. Tons of life stories there too, some macabre and grisly, others funny, just a reflection of life in its extremes.

[Manu Della Valle]

Cracking story!

[pylon1357]

These stories always crack me me.