Steve T Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 I have to say, it is very rare that I am found to be in awe of my own body. It usually malfunctions in such a way that I wonder who the hell wired it up. However, yesterday proved to be a proud day in my life. Not because of something good my body did, but it was at least natural. Making our way back from Euro Disney, Aliya, Susanna and I were sat in the 1st class lounge at St Pancras station, (yes.....I am THAT posh). I had had a troubling 5 days in that my bowel habits had been thrown into complete turmoil by the change in climate and food. My body had decided the best way it could alert me to the issues was to firstly stop me pooing, and secondly to turn my wind into something akin to chemical warfare. It was at this point, in the 1st class lounge, that my body decided it needed to expel something like tear gas, but a LOT worse, from my bowels. To say it smelt like bad eggs would do a dis-service to bad eggs. This was bad eggs PLUS PLUS PLUS, with extra bad egg. Susanna and Aliya obviously expressed a little concern, (Aliya had to have 15 minutes of oxygen and an antidote), but I thought the smell, in true bloke style, quite impressive. At this very moment, 4 couples walked into the first class lounge, expressing relief at being able to sit in a warm, convivial atmosphere whilst awaiting their train. As they headed close to where we were sat, I noticed a slight change in their mood. Only slight mind you. 'JESUS!!! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SMELL!!!!' exclaimed one. 'OH MY GOOD GOD! THAT IS HORRIFIC!!' exclaimed another. 'Oh.....OH...... (sounds of wretching)....oh OH OH MY GOD!! Is that the drains????' exclaimed another. 'Oh JESUS! I can't possibly stay in HERE! The drains must have backed up!' 'That is worse than drains......that's the whole sewerage system backing up!' All 8 people then vacated the 1st class lounge, telling the poor guy manning the door it was disgusting that they should have a 1st class lounge that smelled so absolutely disgusting and they need to get the drains fixed. 20 seconds later, in walk two ladies from the group of 8, to brave the toxic fumes to get everyone a drink. They made it clear to everyone in the lounge that they were there because they weren't on the verge of throwing up, but continually talked about the terrible sewerage system of St Pancras station and how they'll probably never return there again. One of the proudest moments of my 48 years of life. One of MY farts, being strong enough to force 8 people out of the 1st class lounge at St Pancras station. I can now die happy......... Euro Disney was awesome as well! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davejb Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Problem being is all eight died later, unhappy, does prove a point though, like we,ve always said your full of jobby 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davejb Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Another point of note is that we now know why you met Winnie the Pooh,its because your real name is Stevie the Pooh and you,re cousins!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
the colonel Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 (edited) on a plus side you didn't get sussed for major botty burps by the 8 Edited March 29, 2016 by the colonel Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major General Bil4338 Posted March 29, 2016 Major General Share Posted March 29, 2016 'Kinell, and I thought I was bad.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Field Marshall Lenny Posted March 29, 2016 Field Marshall Share Posted March 29, 2016 Hilarious... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve T Posted March 29, 2016 Author Share Posted March 29, 2016 My wife was mortified.......I was in heaven 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mav352 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 To quote a well known film What exhaust were you fitted with and when was it broken? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Davejb Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 You think you lot have trouble, you want to be down a bloody hole digging with him when he does it, I have to carry a miners lamp and a canary!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pylon1357 Posted March 30, 2016 Share Posted March 30, 2016 Now that was well worth the read. I have tears in my eyes from laughter. I thought I was the only able to clear a room. Good on you Steve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Major General Bil4338 Posted March 30, 2016 Major General Share Posted March 30, 2016 The thought of being down a hole with him had been shuddered at but I thought better of sharing that possibility... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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