I can take it no more.

[Steve T]

Is it just me, or would it not be better if football commentators limit themselves to telling us who is on the ball and nothing else? It would certainly mean I would shout at the telly a lot less. Examples from this evening.....

 

Number 1.

'For me, England haven't had enough possession. They need to hold on to the ball. They need to learn to keep the ball........ and it will come.....it will come.'

What?? Are you serious? So they go in at half time and the manager says 'We need to keep the ball guys' and everyone sits there and goes 'We do? Well that's a first. Never realised that'. What a fricking stupid statement. And 'they need to learn to keep the ball' ??? Of course, as they don't do that at all in club football. Entirely new concept in internationals and you have to learn how to do it. Obviously.

 

Number 2.

'Jamie Vardy may just have played his way into the team for the European championships'.

Yes, of course, as he has been playing totally jobby for his club and has to prove himself in a friendly against Turkey, because his spot in the team is all riding on this match. The 24 goals this season mean nothing unless he can score tonight obviously.

 

Number 3.

'England need to defend well now as Turkey are attacking'

Really? I was going to suggest that they all go stand on the touch line and let Turkey have a go at Joe Hart.

 

Number 4.

'Really admire Kane for the positive attitude on that penalty'

You WHAT??? HE FRIGGING MISSED !!!!! He can be Mr Positive from Positive Street in Positive Town, but if he can't even hit the target from 12 yards out, it matters not one jot! Positive attitude???? Yes, so positive he forgot what the hell he was there for and just wanted to look positive. I even saw him getting his hair done just before he took it, to increase his positiveness. He smiled a lot as well, further enhancing his positiveness. He missed? Never mind, at least he was positive about it.

 

Number 5

'That was a SUPERB pass, but just a touch too heavy'

Given that is the case, it wasn't. In fact it was jobby. So jobby it didn't reach the person he was passing to. On a scale of 1 to 10 in achieving what was intended, it scores 0.

 

Number 6

'England need to get the ball forward if they hope to score again'

What? I mean.....WHAT??? Jesus......

 

Number 7

'This is a young team, but I'm sure they will have a great time during their evenings off in France'

Good. I would hate to think that they were having a bad time in the clubs and bars and restaurants. It is important they all have a good time when they're not on the football pitch.

 

Number 8

'That was a searching ball'

Roughly translated as 'that was jobby'. Hit too long/wide/high and totally missed who it was intended for.

 

 

I honestly believe that the general public would appreciate some honesty in the commentary booth. Phrases such as the ones I use would result in far less shouting at the telly, and a far more enjoyable game.

'What a jobby pass'

'Nice back pass. Fifth in a row. Can someone go put some arrows on the grass to show them the direction of the opponents goal please'

'PENALTY REF YOU BLIND bar-steward!!!'

'GOALLLLLLL !!!!! UP YOURS YA bar-steward TURKS!!!'

 

That kind of thing...

 

[Henri]

Uuuuhhhh....what is football???? 

 

[HetzersGonnaHetz]

Football is a game England ain't very good at hehe  

[Libertesoe]

They're better than Scotland...I should know being a Scot.......Still we did beat South Africa , in the final of the Rugby 7's today in Twickenham

[Davejb]

Theres one thing that has always amazed me , why people get so heated over a bunch of blokes kicking an inflated bladder covered in leather, up and down a field, hoping to put said bladder at the back of a fishing net guarded by a man with over sized hands who can leap across the width of the fishing net and invariably fails to catch said bladder. Then his team mates fall about on the floor moaning and groaning that they got pushed over and may have a broken nail or a stubbed toe, in fact most of them could have got a part in Saving Private Ryan as they fall over like being shot. My wifes Dad was Jimmy Anderson, manager of Spurs, and one of the reasons why she married me was that I HATE football. Now if its Rugby , then your talking a mans game, I,ve actually smashed a mans nose so bad he had to have surgery and I had to have one of his teeth removed from my arm, but we carried on playing until the end both dripping blood, no group of medics running on the pitch, water poured over us, stretchers needed, plus in the televised matches the world class players get nowhere near as much money than the over inflated egos of the type of football prima donnas that have been around for the last 20 yrs, Before that the game was considered to be a good game to watch and played by decent and talented players, and even I would occasionally watch a game.

[Manu Della Valle]

Football?I think I've had a slice of it with my tea one time!

[Mav352]

I just looked up Football...... my dictionary says "see Tribal substitute".  

[Manu Della Valle]

12 hours ago, Davejb said:

Theres one thing that has always amazed me , why people get so heated over a bunch of blokes kicking an inflated bladder covered in leather, up and down a field, hoping to put said bladder at the back of a fishing net guarded by a man with over sized hands who can leap across the width of the fishing net and invariably fails to catch said bladder. Then his team mates fall about on the floor moaning and groaning that they got pushed over and may have a broken nail or a stubbed toe, in fact most of them could have got a part in Saving Private Ryan as they fall over like being shot. My wifes Dad was Jimmy Anderson, manager of Spurs, and one of the reasons why she married me was that I HATE football. Now if its Rugby , then your talking a mans game, I,ve actually smashed a mans nose so bad he had to have surgery and I had to have one of his teeth removed from my arm, but we carried on playing until the end both dripping blood, no group of medics running on the pitch, water poured over us, stretchers needed, plus in the televised matches the world class players get nowhere near as much money than the over inflated egos of the type of football prima donnas that have been around for the last 20 yrs, Before that the game was considered to be a good game to watch and played by decent and talented players, and even I would occasionally watch a game.

Geez @Davejb...that's  EXACTLY what I always say!My brother-in-law is a die-hard Juventus F.C. supporter and has been a player himself  and he has sown the seeds of this unhealthy practice into my 6yo nephew's head but,and there's a BIG BUT here,my nephew loves playing rugby and he's quite good at that!
He also skis,practice judo,swims and he's quite good at cheating when playing snap and think that's been loosing enough!